Yesterday I was feeling pretty much miserable. And I cried. I don't know if I cried myself to sleep or if at some point I stopped and focused on my breathing so I'd sleep. But I don't think that's what happened because that's the thing with me: I do not focus.
I'm getting myself into a big ocean of chaos when I could be just splashing the water with my feet while contemplating the view.
Being a teacher is not easy, and I know I felt how being a mediocre teacher is and how being a responsible one is, too. And in both sides of this spectrum, I had this feeling of being hopeless. Whether it's because I don't want to be mediocre and I want to challenge myself but don't know how or because I feel the pressure of those overwhelming challenges. It's as if I were incapable of overcoming anything that would meet my way.
Today I'm on the other side of these feelings. I've left the mediocre mask, to become this teacher who wanted to be challenged. But yesterday I cried. Today I've felt how doing my job and working with these kids gives me so much energy. But last night I could not get this feeling. In its place, I got tiredness, fear and... and something else. Something that took my deepest fears, my darkness and played with them for me to watch.
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